Advice from Teresa, Tina’s sister- He walked out on us.  I get to set the rules.  He’s mad?  He created this…I’m mad.  He needs to know I’m not gonna roll over.  This is going to be a horrific holiday, but I need to make it good for the kids.  No matter what I did, he did something so much worse.

November (It’s all a blur), 2010
To L- No matter what I did…and I know I’m so at fault here, I don’t believe I deserve what you did. The pain I’m feeling is so real I can almost touch it. If I don’t write this here, I’ll text it to you, and someone told me to get control of my emotions a bit and resist the impulse to lash out, which is not unlike the impulse to smoke when someone is trying to quit.
Right now, this evening, we should be sharing our days with each other. You’re doing that- with someone else, which is both devastating and unspeakable to me.
Meanwhile, I’m shoveling shit. I have so much to do that I don’t know where to start. Reality is in my face every moment, which is both good and bad.